Small talk can go a long way in building connections, whether you’re mingling at a party, networking at work, or just chatting with someone new. But there’s a fine line between friendly curiosity and crossing personal boundaries. Even well-intentioned questions can land the wrong way and make someone feel uncomfortable or judged.

To help you avoid those cringe-worthy moments, we’ve compiled a list of common questions that are better left unasked. These are the types of things that can quickly kill the vibe or even offend someone without you realizing it. Here’s what not to ask—and what to say instead.

1. “How much do you make?”

This question puts people in a tight spot. Talking about money is still a taboo in many cultures, especially when it comes to personal income. It can spark feelings of comparison, insecurity, or even judgment. Unless you’re in a pay transparency conversation or part of a salary negotiation, skip it.

Instead, try asking:
“Do you have any tips for negotiating a better salary in this industry?”

Video: Polite People Never Ask These Questions

2. “Is that your mother?”

Trying to guess someone’s relationship with another person can easily backfire. You could end up mistaking a sister for a mother or assuming two people are related when they’re not. It’s awkward for everyone involved and could come off as tone-deaf or insensitive.

A more thoughtful question might be:
“How do you two know each other?”

3. “How long have you been together?”

Not everyone standing next to each other at a social event is a couple. Some people are just friends or colleagues. And for couples, questions about relationship duration can bring up personal topics like marriage or commitment issues.

A better conversation starter would be:
“So, how did you two meet?”

4. “When are you going to have a baby?”

This is one of the most intrusive questions out there. It assumes the person wants kids, can have kids, or is ready to talk about it. For couples struggling with infertility or those who have chosen a child-free life, this question can be deeply hurtful.

A more respectful approach:
Don’t bring it up. If they want to share that part of their life, they will.

5. “Will it stay forever?”

Questions like this usually refer to tattoos, piercings, or bold hair choices. These are personal forms of self-expression, and asking if they’re permanent or painful can sound judgmental. Even worse is reaching out to touch someone’s body art or hair—never do that.

If they seem open to talking, try saying:
“That’s a cool design—what inspired it?”

6. “Why do you need it?”

Whether it’s a hobby like cosplay, collecting action figures, or owning five dogs, people have passions that matter to them. Questioning the purpose or expense of a hobby can feel dismissive or even mocking. You don’t need to understand it—just respect it.

A kinder response would be:
“That’s awesome—you must really enjoy it!”

7. “How much did the ring cost?”

Money-focused questions around engagement rings or wedding details come off as tacky. They shift the conversation from love and commitment to dollars and cents. Plus, it can make someone feel like you’re judging their choices.

A more appropriate compliment:
“It’s beautiful—such a unique design!”

8. “How much does that cost?”

This applies to anything from clothes and cars to vacations and electronics. Even if you’re just curious, it can feel like you’re sizing someone up or trying to assess their financial status. It might seem like harmless chatter, but it often creates tension.

A better way to phrase your interest:
“I’ve been looking into something similar—mind if I ask where you found it?”

9. “How much did this place cost?”

Commenting on someone’s home with a price tag in mind is both personal and intrusive. It can make people feel defensive or awkward, especially if they sense any tone of judgment.

Try this instead:
“This is such a cozy space—how long have you lived here?”

10. “What did you do wrong?”

When someone has gone through a tough experience—like losing a job, ending a relationship, or dealing with conflict—this question assumes they were at fault. It’s insensitive and can reopen wounds they may not want to revisit.

A more compassionate comment would be:
“I’m really sorry to hear that. Let me know if you want to talk or just hang out.”

11. “Are those your real nails?”

This one seems harmless but can easily cross into rude territory. Whether someone has acrylic nails or a natural manicure, questioning their authenticity can sound judgmental or dismissive of their style.

Try this instead:
“That design is stunning. I love how it looks on you!”
Or say:
“You’ve got great taste! Do you do them yourself or go to a salon?”

How to Respond When Someone Asks You an Embarrassing Question

Video: How to NOT answer Personal Questions

If you ever find yourself on the receiving end of one of these uncomfortable questions, it’s okay to protect your boundaries. Here are a few polite and effective ways to handle it:

• Redirect the conversation to a more neutral topic
• Give a short and vague response
• Politely decline to answer
• Simply say, “I’d prefer not to talk about that—can we switch topics?”

You don’t have to explain yourself. Your discomfort is valid, and how you choose to set boundaries says a lot about your confidence and emotional awareness. Staying calm and respectful is key—no need to lash out or feel pressured.

In the end, the best conversations are built on mutual respect. Asking thoughtful, inclusive questions can lead to stronger connections—and fewer awkward silences. Next time you’re chatting with someone new, remember: curiosity is great, but courtesy is even better.