Relationships take work, and sometimes, small red flags can signal that a once-strong bond may be in trouble. While every couple goes through challenges, there are certain behaviors and patterns that, when left unchecked, could lead to the breakdown of a marriage. Understanding these signs early on can help you address issues before they become irreversible. Here are 10 troubling signs that you and your partner may be heading toward divorce.

1. You Don’t Accept Each Other’s Annoying Habits

When you first start living together, you may notice each other’s quirks—those little things that seemed harmless at first but now drive you mad. Whether it’s leaving dirty socks around, taking too long to get ready, or chewing loudly, these habits can grow more frustrating over time.

The key is learning to accept these habits or find ways to compromise. If you constantly find yourself criticizing these behaviors, it can create unnecessary tension. According to psychologist Daphne de Marneffe, assessing whether these pet peeves are deal-breakers or minor annoyances can help decide whether the issue needs to be addressed or if it’s best to let it go.

2. The Emotional Tone of Your Conversations Is Off

Have you noticed the way you and your partner speak to each other? Studies show that the emotional tone of your voice is a key predictor of relationship success. In fact, researchers found that the tone, pitch, and intensity of your voice can indicate emotional intensity, and couples who communicate negatively with heightened emotional tone are more likely to experience relationship problems.

If you’re consistently snapping at each other or talking down to one another, it’s time to evaluate your communication patterns. Learning to communicate with respect and understanding can make a world of difference in keeping your relationship strong.

3. You Stonewall Each Other

Stonewalling is when one partner emotionally withdraws from a conversation, refusing to engage or respond. While this might seem like an attempt to avoid conflict, it’s actually a destructive behavior. According to Dr. John Gottman, 80% of men tend to stonewall when they are emotionally overwhelmed.

If your partner frequently shuts down during arguments or conversations, it’s crucial to learn how to recognize when someone is emotionally flooded. Choosing the right time to discuss sensitive issues—when both partners are calm—can help prevent this damaging cycle.

4. You Talk Negatively About Your Exes

If you or your partner often badmouth exes, this can be a troubling sign. If you find yourself thinking, “I’ll show her what real love is,” or making derogatory comments about past partners, it could be a sign that unresolved issues are still lurking in your relationship.

Constantly revisiting the past in a negative light not only creates unnecessary tension but also raises questions about your emotional availability. If you’re not able to let go of past relationships, it’s important to work through these issues before they hinder your current relationship.

5. Avoiding Conflict Completely

Some couples try to avoid conflicts, thinking it will keep the peace. However, constant avoidance of discussions about important issues can lead to long-term resentment and emotional disconnection. According to Gottman, the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” – contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling – are behaviors that predict divorce. Avoiding conflict altogether is often linked to these toxic patterns.

Healthy conflict resolution involves tackling problems head-on, even if it’s uncomfortable at first. Avoiding tough conversations will only let frustrations build, potentially creating a rift between you and your partner.

6. Negative Attitudes Toward Each Other’s Friends

If you or your partner frequently criticize or belittle each other’s friends, this could be a sign of deeper relationship issues. In a study of 373 couples over 16 years, researchers found that men who criticized their wives’ friends in the early years of marriage were more likely to get divorced by the 16th year.

Friendships are vital for emotional support, and when one partner disapproves of the other’s social circle, it can create division in the relationship. It’s essential to support each other’s friendships and understand that these relationships contribute to a healthy and balanced life.

7. Surprised by Sudden Changes in Attitude

Have you recently felt disconnected from your partner or surprised by sudden shifts in their behavior? This may indicate a lack of emotional intimacy. As we grow and evolve, it’s important to check in with each other and stay connected. If you feel like you no longer understand your partner’s opinions or tastes, it might be time to have a candid conversation.

To prevent emotional drift, make a habit of checking in with each other. Ask about their day, what’s been on their mind, or what’s recently surprised them. These small moments of connection can help maintain a strong bond.

8. Criticizing Each Other’s Choices

Criticism that is constant and harsh—especially when it comes to decisions—can be a major red flag in a relationship. It’s natural for partners to sometimes disagree, but blaming your partner for every little decision they make creates a toxic dynamic. For example, if your partner asks for your opinion on a restaurant choice, but then complains about it afterward, it signals dissatisfaction and a lack of support.

If you find yourself criticizing your partner’s choices regularly, it’s time to reflect on whether you’re both supportive of one another’s decisions. Cultivating a more positive, collaborative environment can reduce the tendency for blame and foster mutual respect.

9. Sleeping Together Becomes a Chore

Sleep is an essential aspect of mental and physical well-being, and sharing a bed should be comforting, not stressful. If you or your partner no longer enjoy sleeping together, or if it feels forced, it can create emotional distance. Sleep deprivation can also lead to irritability and a lack of energy, which can negatively affect your relationship.

If sleeping together feels uncomfortable, consider talking about the underlying issues. Maybe it’s not just about sleep but emotional disconnect or unaddressed concerns. Fostering intimacy through open communication and emotional closeness is key to rekindling your bond.

10. Comfortable Silences Are No Longer Present

Remember when you and your partner could just be in each other’s presence, content with no need to talk? Comfortable silences are often a sign of deep emotional connection. If those silences now feel awkward or strained, it could be a sign that something is missing in your relationship.

To overcome this, start doing small activities together. Play a game, cook together, or simply watch a movie and talk about it afterward. Reintroducing these bonding moments can help restore the comfort and connection that may have faded.

Conclusion: Addressing the Signs Early On

Relationships are dynamic, and it’s common to face challenges over time. However, paying attention to these signs early on can help you address issues before they escalate. Whether it’s improving communication, fostering emotional intimacy, or learning to resolve conflicts in a healthy way, addressing these behaviors with your partner can help strengthen your bond and steer your relationship away from divorce. Recognizing and taking proactive steps toward change is key to preserving a lasting, healthy relationship.