Becoming a new parent is one of the most exciting yet overwhelming experiences in life. The transition into parenthood comes with a mix of emotions, from joy and love to exhaustion and self-doubt. While many older family members offer advice with good intentions, their unsolicited comments can sometimes do more harm than good—undermining confidence rather than providing reassurance.

It’s important to recognize how certain remarks, even when well-intended, can impact a parent’s mental and emotional well-being. Below, we explore some of the most common toxic comments older generations make, why they can be harmful, and how to offer more supportive alternatives.

Common Toxic Comments Older Generations Make (And Why They Hurt)

“Your baby isn’t talking much—are you sure everything is okay?”

Developmental milestones vary greatly among children, and no two babies develop at the same pace. Comments like these can trigger anxiety in new parents, making them question whether something is wrong when, in reality, every child grows at their own speed.

Supportive Alternative:
Instead of focusing on potential delays, reassure the parents by saying,
“Every baby develops at their own pace—it’s amazing to watch them grow in their unique way!”

“We didn’t do it that way, and you turned out fine.”

This comment often arises when parents choose a modern approach that differs from how older generations raised their children. While it may be meant as encouragement, it can make new parents feel dismissed or judged for making informed decisions based on updated research.

Supportive Alternative:
Rather than criticizing their methods, show curiosity by saying,
“Parenting has changed so much! I’d love to hear more about what you’ve learned.”

“Why are you still breastfeeding/bottle-feeding? Isn’t it time to stop?”

Feeding choices are deeply personal and depend on many factors, including a baby’s needs, a mother’s health, and family circumstances. Remarks about how or how long a baby is fed can make parents feel insecure about their choices.

Supportive Alternative:
Instead of questioning their decision, offer encouragement,
“You’re doing a great job feeding your baby. Let me know if I can support you in any way!”

“You’re holding the baby too much—you’re going to spoil them.”

This outdated belief suggests that comforting a baby too often will create bad habits. In reality, responding to a baby’s needs fosters security and attachment, which is crucial for emotional development.

Supportive Alternative:
Recognize their nurturing instincts with a positive statement,
“Your baby is so lucky to have parents who give them so much love and affection!”

“Back in my day, we didn’t have all these gadgets and parenting books.”

Dismissing modern parenting tools and research can make new parents feel like they’re overcomplicating things. In reality, these advancements help many families feel more prepared and supported.

Supportive Alternative:
Show openness instead of judgment by asking,
“I didn’t have these when I was raising kids—how do they work?”

“Let them cry it out—it’s good for their lungs.”

Older generations often suggest ignoring a crying baby as a way to encourage independence. However, research shows that responding to a baby’s cries helps build trust and emotional resilience.

Supportive Alternative:
Acknowledge the challenges of sleep training with empathy,
“Baby sleep is such a journey! How’s it been going for you?”

“You’re going back to work already? Shouldn’t you stay home with the baby?”

Regardless of whether a parent chooses to work or stay home, this comment can be incredibly guilt-inducing. Every family’s situation is different, and parents must do what’s best for them.

Supportive Alternative:
Instead of making them feel judged, offer support,
“It’s great that you’re doing what works for your family—I’m here if you need help balancing everything!”

“You’re overreacting—it’s just a phase.”

Dismissing a new parent’s concerns or struggles can make them feel unheard. Even if something is temporary, it doesn’t mean it’s not challenging for them in the moment.

Supportive Alternative:
Validate their feelings by saying,
“That sounds really tough. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“A little chocolate won’t hurt the baby.”

Pressuring parents to introduce certain foods before they are ready can create unnecessary anxiety and guilt. Every parent knows what’s best for their child.

Supportive Alternative:
Respect their decisions with,
“You know your baby best! I’ll follow your lead on what they should eat.”

“You look exhausted—you should rest more.”

While exhaustion is inevitable for new parents, pointing it out only adds to their stress. Instead of stating the obvious, offer practical help.

Supportive Alternative:
“You’ve been working so hard—let me take care of something for you while you get some rest!”

Why These Comments Are Harmful

Even if these comments come from a place of love, they often have the opposite effect, leaving new parents feeling:

• Judged for their choices
• Guilty for not following old-fashioned parenting styles
• Overwhelmed by conflicting advice
• Unappreciated for the effort they put into raising their child

Instead of supporting parents, these remarks chip away at their confidence, making an already challenging journey even harder.

How Older Generations Can Offer Support Instead

If you want to truly help new parents, consider these tips:

Be Open to Learning – Parenting evolves over time. Instead of dismissing new methods, be open to understanding why they work.

Listen Without Judging – Sometimes, new parents just need someone to listen. Let them vent without giving unsolicited advice.

Share Stories, Not Criticism – If you want to offer wisdom, do it in a way that invites conversation, not comparison.

Celebrate the Baby’s Milestones – Focus on positive encouragement rather than critiquing how parents do things.

Setting Boundaries to Protect Parental Confidence

New parents have every right to set boundaries when it comes to the kind of advice and comments they receive. If an older family member frequently makes undermining remarks, it’s okay to:

• Politely redirect the conversation – “We’re doing things differently, but we appreciate your perspective!”
• Limit discussions on certain topics – “We’re comfortable with our parenting approach, so let’s talk about something else!”
• Ask for support instead of opinions – “We love having you involved, but what we need most right now is encouragement.”

Final Thoughts: Encouragement Over Criticism

New parents are already doing the hardest job in the world—they don’t need extra pressure from outdated or unsolicited opinions. Instead of criticizing, offering empathy, patience, and support can make all the difference.

Parenting is a learning experience for everyone, and no one gets it perfectly right. So let’s build each other up, rather than tear each other down. Because at the end of the day, what every new parent needs most is love, not judgment.